Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize