what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I touched a dick in church today
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
