and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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