At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
