I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
