I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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