Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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