Duck Duck Cougar?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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