WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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