I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
