If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
