My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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