I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
