On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
