i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
