Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
