My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
