He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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