you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
