I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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