the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
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easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
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Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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