They should really pass out barf bags in church
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
