dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
