I think i peed on brittanys purse
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
