I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
