Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
