Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
