I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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