then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
