Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
