Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
