Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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