Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
