Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
