so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
