Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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