the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
