In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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