He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
