Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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