My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
