NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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