As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
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Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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