Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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