If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
