I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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