U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
