I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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