she takes plan B like it's going out of style
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
