I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize
