I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
