so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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