Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
