Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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