I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
