a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
