I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Congratulations! We have a period
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
