im holly from the hills drunk
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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