Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
