Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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