i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
