theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My vagina just recognized that song.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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