I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
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Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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