Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
