i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
