Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize