hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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